Monday, October 27, 2008

It's so interesting how God chooses to arrest my heart.

I have been in class just about 2 years and I should be winding up my associates in science in March. The lessons I have learned spiritually and relationally, to God and others, far out weighs anything academic. Part of the program I am in requires study groups, and I strongly dislike it. ;) I don't mind being responsible for my own grade, but I start to shutter when we are all responsible for our group grade.

The pain is not without it's benefits. I have learned how to confront others with the least chance of emotional disaster (meaning extending grace), how to think critically outside of my comfort zone, and how to realize that I am not the same student I was in high school (meaning I am capable of way more then I thought). One of the areas that God has been working on my heart is in the process of how I handle change, or maybe it would be better to say challenge. I have slowly been becoming confident in my ability to tackle the hard stuff, but obviously this week I hadn't learned the lesson as well as I thought I had.

I started my economics class. I have tried to drop this class, sweated and wrung my hands in terror as the professor seemed so... daunting. The work load is huge, it took 4 of us 6 hours to complete it. The subject should be intriguing, especially with what we are going through as a country, but I was still really worried. I talked to the professor and I was not reassured that my fears weren't correct.

Today it felt like God was asking me why I keep pitching a fit in the sun and complaining how hot it is, when he is offering me his shade. Tonight was our first lecture, and while it will be very challenging, it was also beautiful. It's was just a reassurance of how I need to handle the bigger challenges, by staying in the shade and depending on Him to get me through it. The professor was amazing. He had so much wisdom, and not just in economics but in how we are to really react to that which seems to be crumbling around us.

So, I looked over my shoulder and noticed the cool shade a wee bit to my right, and I stepped back under the cover. Peace that requires nothing of me but my unending love for his presence is where I'd like to rest.

No comments: