Learning to Breath...

It's a new season. I mean, it's more than a new season, it's more like a deep breath. That is how I am feeling. NC held so many things for us, for me. It was a season of hard things, and grand things, of trying things and of busy things. It was a time of deep relationships and times of deep sorrow. And in all that...I think there are things, no I know there are things, that I have set aside. I have come though a season and some of me I have forgotten. Somethings I have had to lay down for a time. And now, it's been a time of rediscovering, of breathing, and hoping! It's also a time for growth.

I have so much time on my hands now it's made me ponder and analyze, in a good way! And with that I was reminded today as I was watching Hook. I LOVE the scene where Robin Williams plays the grown up Peter Pan and the kids help him remember who he is/was. LOVE IT. Just wanted to share with you all that it has been a huge blessing being here. I miss everyone so much, but God has such a purpose, and it's time. Time to take a deep breath, and exhale.

Colorado!

Sorry it's been so crazy long since I posted last. So much has happened, has been happening! Shawn has a new job in Colorado so we moved in here on February 1st! While we were very sad to leave friends, we have also been itching for something new. :) We have been here a week and it already feels like home. It's been snowing all day and everyone just carries on like usual! Happy sigh...

It's also a new season for me. I want to take the time to work on some of my stuff that kind of got pushed aside with all I had going on. I am hoping that while my schedual is still empty I can form new routines to delve into something new.

Anyway, a few pics from some of our exploring this past weekend! So beautiful...

fear...

I hate it when I find myself here.

I despise it

this walk in shame

an orphan who resists the attachment

Hurling into the cavern of doubt

I know who my Papa is, I know he calls me daughter and yet...

I still cling to my roots of fear

Deserving of no good gift myself.

I spew hate and judgement in my mind like a venom that cuts and wounds my heart and clears the relationship to the ground.

Ahhhh....healing grace.

Pray that you fall freely on me tonight.

I long for the touch of truth that rushes hope to me.

The dreams I suppress, hopes and dreams you give yet I push away in rejection of things that may cause uncertainty,

the hope that can twirl like a little girl in a great dress...

Grateful, for the chance.

Thankful that it's not a feeling

It's just an unabashed truth...

Our song...

These are dear friends! I am so happy to hear them finally! Just wanted to share with you all too!

It's all about surrender. All of it.

I have had a very disgruntled week. I swing from hopelessness to depression. I want to run and let the wind blow in my hair and I want to breath in the new....but I feel so stuck here. I feel like I am walking around in old rags that will never let me go. It's about resistance, it's about longing, and it's about leaving all my ideas behind. It calls out to me from a deep river rushing past...inviting me to swim in the cool water and feel baptized.

To let go, release all the tension that is surrounded with control and let my guard down to bask in the grace and joy that is right there. I FIGHT it so hard though....

Ultimately It's all about surrender. It's all about laying down in the grass and letting my hands fall open. It's about looking up at the stars in the dark night with a chill and knowing there is more that I have not touched. It causes my soul to arch up, twist and wretch to fight all the fears. To fight hard that which would declare my own insecurities. I beat my chest and cry for mercy. For time to breath....

Time to breath....and knowing that that freedom will come...that my Papa knows my hearts cry. Knows it deeper then I let myself go with it. And there, that is where all I can do is trust.

Come like you promised Lord....

It's times like this that all I can do is sing this....



Be blessed,